Google Readers Discover French Satire
Google Readers Discover French Satire, Immediately Demand It Be Arrested for Being Too French “We thought it was a…
Deputies Tax the Internet by the Gigabyte, Decided by 21 People
A levy that could raise billions was approved by a room so empty that the vending machine voted twice, according…
Assemblee Unites Against Budget in Rare Show of Cross-Party Unity
Deputies from every bench agree on one thing, which is that none of them wrote this, even though all of…
Pensions to Be Indexed at Three Speeds, Like a Tired Gearbox
Retirees will be sorted into rich, medium and modest, and then reassured that this is not a sorting. PARIS, France…
RER D Runs One Train in Three and Commuters Call It a Personal Best
Rail unions dig in over pay while regulars say a one-in-three timetable is the most reliable promise SNCF has ever…
Tomatoes Soar 35.8 Percent as Calm Baguette Refuses to Join In
With bread prices drifting down while everything else climbs, France’s most famous loaf is accused of not taking the cost-of-living…
Louvre Asks Mona Lisa for Two Character References Before Renewing Her Residency
Curators say her smile is suspicious and her lack of eyebrows suggests something is being withheld Louvre Asks Mona Lisa…
Luxembourg Gardens Petanque Club Sets Up Cebu Committee to Study Gravel
Members vote to examine whether the sea would behave better if it were a surface of gravel Luxembourg Gardens Petanque…
Sorbonne Colloquium Asks: Is the Sea Guilty? Nine Professors Fail to Agree
After eleven hours, delegates conclude that the squid is innocent and the coffee was cold on purpose Sorbonne Colloquium Asks:…
Paris Estate Agents Adopt Cebu Method: Viewings Now Include a Character Interview
A Marais agency says the buyer must first prove they would be a good neighbour to a neighbour who does…
Paris Estate Agents Adopt Cebu Method: Viewings Now Include a Character Interview
A Marais agency says the buyer must first prove they would be a good neighbour to a neighbour who does…
Seine Bouquinistes Start Selling Character References at Five Euros Each
Green boxes along the quai now offer letters of good standing, signed by a man named Gaston who does not…
Eiffel Tower Adds Cebu Viewing Deck: Entry Requires a Letter From Your Concierge
Visitors must prove they are ordinary before being allowed to look at the sea they cannot see Eiffel Tower Adds…
Elysee Spokesman Declines to Comment on Cebu, Comments for Forty Minutes
Press briefing ends with a pledge to monitor the sea, the squid and the temperature of the coffee Elysee Spokesman…
Saint-Germain Waiter Refuses to Serve Anyone Without Two Letters of Reference
The cafe’s famous disdain is now formalised in a four-page questionnaire and a laminated card reading Non Saint-Germain Waiter Refuses…
Paris Fashion Week Unveils Beige Cebu Collection: Seven Looks, All Fine
Designer says the line is for people who wish to be reassuringly forgettable at a showing Paris Fashion Week Unveils…
RATP Announces Line 15 to Cebu: Delays Expected Before Construction Begins
Commuters are told the new line will arrive on schedule, which is to say never, and that this is fine…
Paris Airports Expect First Traffic Dip Since Covid As Fuel Prices Soar, Travellers Rediscover The Ancient Art Of Staying Home
Groupe ADP now expects passenger numbers at Charles de Gaulle and Orly to slip slightly in 2026 after summer traffic…
Dachshunds Seize The Champs-Elysees In Paris Sausage Walk, Avenue Briefly Becomes The Most Elegant Hot Dog Stand In Europe
The charity parade closed the world’s most famous avenue to cars so that hundreds of low-slung dogs could stroll 1.4…
Netflix Challenge At The Foot Of The Eiffel Tower Pits 150 Contestants Against A Vault, Only One Wins, The Rest Return To Their Day Jobs As Ordinary Thieves Of Time
Inspired by the series Lupin, the event on Wednesday, October 21, sends 150 hopefuls to crack a vault, with a…
Paris Museums Offer Seances And Ghost Hunts For Halloween, The Spirits Of The Hotel de la Marine Request Union Representation
The Rodin Museum plans an after-hours night around The Gates of Hell on October 31, while the Hotel de la…
Montparnasse Tower Closes For 700 Million Euro Makeover With Rooftop Farm, Parisians Finally Hope To Stop Calling It Ugly
The famously unloved skyscraper is getting glass cladding, a rooftop farm and a replanted plaza with 1,000 trees, raising the…
Paris Mayor Promises 1,000 New Pedestrian Streets, Parisian Drivers Begin Learning To Walk Again
Emmanuel Gregoire, elected in March, pledges a thousand more car-free streets and a dozen new parks in a city whose…
Parc de l’Etrange Fills Parc Andre-Citroen With Fog And Performers For Halloween, Parisians Say It Feels Exactly Like The Metro At Rush Hour
The Halloween stroll through fog, sets and costumed performers runs from October 16 to 31 in the 15th arrondissement, though…
Guide to Switching Energy and Internet Providers in France Reveals It Takes 15 Minutes, Which Is Roughly How Long It Takes to Find Your Bank Details
The Local France explains the 12-character RIO, a code every French household can now carry in its heart and nowhere…
France Deploys 3,000 Substitute Teachers to Fix a Teacher Shortage, Immediately Creating a Shortage of Substitute Teachers Elsewhere
Education Minister promises the reinforcements will arrive ‘within the next hours’ at 114 priority schools, where students have been asking…
French Diesel Now Costs 2.40 Euros a Litre, and Motorists Welcome Government Plan to Refund Them for the Pain Instead of the Price
Opinion writer warns of a populist ‘oil fire’ in 2027 as pump taxes include everything except a receipt for the…
Le Pen Promises 140 Billion Euros in Savings to Prevent French Default, Offering Voters the Rare Chance to Choose Between Two Numbers
The deficit is 5.1 per cent, the forecast is 5.4 per cent, and the borrowing plan is 340 billion euros,…
Saint-Denis Mayor Becomes Student Icon After Standing Between Pupils and Police, Immediately Discovers That Being an Icon Is Mostly Paperwork
Bally Bagayoko, 53, tells CNN he is ‘not a hero’, a statement that is, by tradition, the final step before…
Intermarche Prepares 700,000 Plush Vegetarian Wolves After Discovering France Will Queue for a Toy That Refuses to Eat Anything
The supermarket’s Christmas hero will cost 19.90 euros, and its president already fears running out, a sentence last heard from…
Foreign Residents Cross Europe With Expired Card, Receipt and Prayer, as the Humble Recepisse Becomes France’s Most Travelled Document
Border agents catch one expired carte de sejour out of four checks, proving the system works exactly one quarter of…
Edouard Philippe Pledges to ‘Halve Legal Immigration’, Offers Few Details and Declines to Rule Out a Referendum on the Subject, a Perfect Centrist Hat Trick
The Horizons candidate tells France 2 that ‘immigration is too high’ and that halving it ‘does not mean reducing it…
Guide to 16 Songs Needed to Survive a French Dancefloor Warns Foreigners That Learning the Words Is Optional but Standing Still Is a Crime
The Local France lists the classics from Johnny to Jul, and advises that ‘you don’t need to know every word’,…
The Local France Asks Readers Why They Have Not Moved to France, Receiving a Reply Consisting Mostly of the Word ‘Prefecture’
Survey invites those who want to move, or have decided against it, to describe obstacles that are practical, political, financial…
Paris Has a New Mayor; City Begins Complaining About Him Before He Has Found the Light Switch
The handover at the Hotel de Ville gives residents a fresh name to blame for the same bus New Mayor…
Paris Spent 1.4 Billion Euros Cleaning the Seine and Parisians Remain Unconvinced, at No Extra Charge
A historic river clean-up meets the one natural resource the city has never run short of, which is doubt Seine…