La Perspective Plan Targets Enthusiasm, Weather Systems, and Foreigners Who Appear to Be Enjoying Themselves With Insufficient Irony
Originally published by Bohiney Magazine and reprinted with the enthusiastic approval of the staff of The London Prat, who find Paris endlessly instructive.
PARIS — The French government has announced a comprehensive national strategy for navigating global uncertainty, built on three pillars that officials describe as “foundational to French civic identity and empirically proven over several centuries.” The strategy, named La Perspective, commits France to: smoking (with appropriate thoughtfulness), shrugging (with conviction), and quietly judging other nations from a sidewalk cafe that serves very good cheese.
“It is fine,” said a senior policy architect near the Jardin du Luxembourg, exhaling a remark into a wind that felt philosophically appropriate. “The world is doing what the world does. France has decided to observe this with composure and mild disappointment. This is not resignation. This is perspective.” He pulled his collar up. The wind was not strong. The gesture was the point.
La Perspective identifies several primary targets for France’s quiet judgment. These include: neighboring nations who respond to crisis with enthusiasm (described in the policy document as “a kind of giving up”); weather systems that fail to maintain appropriate atmospheric subtlety; political developments in other countries that France would have handled differently and better without being asked; the concept of enthusiasm itself, which the document notes “tends to peak before it has achieved anything and leaves a residue of optimism that is difficult to remove”; and foreigners visiting France who appear to be enjoying themselves with what the framework terms “insufficient irony.”
Implementation and Targets
The implementation plan is admirably concise. Citizens are encouraged to maintain composure in the face of global events, to express mild disappointment as a first response rather than alarm or excitement, and to avoid any behavior that could be characterized as “participating” in the enthusiasm of other nations. The document includes a six-page annex on appropriate shrug technique, distinguishing between the dismissive shrug (one shoulder, brief), the philosophical shrug (both shoulders, sustained), and the combination shrug-and-exhale that the annex describes as “the complete sentence.” France has not commented on the annex being six pages. The length is consistent with the methodology.
According to reports from Le Monde, La Perspective has been adopted informally by at least four other European nations, none of which will confirm this because confirmation would constitute enthusiasm. France has not commented on the adoption. The silence is the comment. For more satirical solidarity with France’s civilizational composure, Waterford Whispers News covers European governmental dignity with appropriate continental distance.
The plan has been adopted by four other European nations who have not acknowledged this, which is itself consistent with the plan. France has issued a statement confirming that it is aware of the adoption. The statement contained the phrase “if they wish to learn from France, France is not opposed to this,” which is the diplomatic equivalent of a Gallic shrug. The plan is working.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
