Backwards Logic Initiative Now Official Policy
Paris Announces Revolutionary Solution To Traffic: Making Cars Illegal Except For Bicycles
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat bring you this dispatch from Paris’s latest traffic management innovation.
Paris announced this week that all automobiles are banned during rush hour, except bicycles, which are now legally classified as “alternative vehicles” despite being slower than walking. The policy, explained during a press conference in a traffic-free zone, will reduce traffic by making movement more difficult.
“Paris has too many cars,” explained Mayor Anne Hidalgo. “We’ve decided to ban them. Except bicycles. Bicycles will be required. Everyone will bicycle. This will solve everything despite being impossible.”
The policy requires all commuters to bicycle during rush hours, creating a bicycle gridlock that’s theoretically superior to car gridlock because at least people will be exercising while stuck in traffic.
When asked whether banning cars and requiring bicycles violated basic logic, officials replied: “Logic is less important than appearing environmentally progressive. Bicycles are progressive. That’s sufficient.”
Early implementation shows bicycles creating traffic jams comparable to cars, but with the added advantage of people being sweaty and irritable. Paris celebrates this as improvement.
The Eiffel Tower, visible from most points in Paris, watches in confused silence as thousands of bicycles jam streets in complete dysfunction.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
